just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
