im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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