it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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