Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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