I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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