ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
