omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
