he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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