Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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