oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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