If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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