I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
