This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
