he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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