Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
