Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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