Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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