so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
