It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
