You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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