I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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