Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
