Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
