I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
