Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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