You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
