He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
