I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
