So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
