I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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