literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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