Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
