I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
