are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
