24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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