i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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