Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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