the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
