my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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