It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
