She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
