pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
