I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
