I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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