Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
