The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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