if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
