I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize