After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
