I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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