I want to make a zoo with you.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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