I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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