Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
