then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
