I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
