you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
