So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
