this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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